What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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