Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
