So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I looked at my own cervix.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
3pm strippers are depressing
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
