He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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