I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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