I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
