Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
