kristin has been a bad kristin
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
