Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
