dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
