Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
