Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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