Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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