just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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