Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
