i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
