My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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