Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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