It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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