They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
