Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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