we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize