Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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