we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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