she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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