I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
