That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize