i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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