shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
