drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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