my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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