remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
