C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
