somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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