My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
