I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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