He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize