Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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