seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you had me at cake vodka
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize