ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
