he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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