those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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