I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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