things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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