they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
