and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's never too late to be topless.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
