We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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