Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
