Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
