Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize