I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
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