I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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