Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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