I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
