I hate your face
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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