plz talk dirty to me
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The maid of honor just puked.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize