i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
