Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
