Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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