Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
