Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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