Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
