Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So squirting runs in the family.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
