Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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