I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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