yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
