So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
