Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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