guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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