thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
