You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
