You can't special order awesome
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
