Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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