I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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