oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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