I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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