So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
