well I can't set my house on fire every night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
