five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
