so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need a beard to bite.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
