worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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