Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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