I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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