I could make wine with my vomit
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize