Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We need a shit load of segways right now
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
