I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
