im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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