I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
