I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
