that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
