I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
