So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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