ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
