I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
