We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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