I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
