My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Let the clothes fall where they may.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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