I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
