I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
