Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
3 2 1 whiskey
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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