Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize