he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
