Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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