Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Randomize
