a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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