STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
