you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
