I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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