dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This is the high leading the old right now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize