you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
