Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
