i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
