1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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