So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize