I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
