I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i think i just lost a toe
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
