FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
