end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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