when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
