"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
