my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
