the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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