I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
