I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
