Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
