i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
