Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
