I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
