If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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