I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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