did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
