Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
