I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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