I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
