Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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