If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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